Mediation and Conflict Resolution
I am Dave Pelligrinelli, a certified civil and family court mediator. In many cases, when there’s a conflict, the issue really isn’t about the facts of the case or what needs to be agreed upon. A lot of times, it has to do with the personalities of the parties. This article from Psychology Today really hits home on that. They’re talking about relationships, but the same thing holds true with a conflict. In most cases, the facts of the case—or even in a relationship, the compatibility of the partners—aren’t really at stake.

The Role of Temperament in Conflicts
It’s the temperament, the attitude, the psychology. One person might be passive, while the other person might be more outgoing. One person might have a lot of pride and spite in principle; another person might be more conflict-avoidant. This is why anytime there is a conflict, a mediator stepping in between the parties can act as a firewall between those different temperaments, attitudes, and emotions. In a relationship, a very good advisor or counselor can help both parties recognize the fact that they are truly, at their core, compatible. It’s just that their emotions are blinding them to the validity of the relationship.

Balancing Emotions and Logic in Conflict Resolution
People are humans—we’re not robots. We have emotions, and we’re not completely guided by logic and reason. Although logic and reason should be at the core of what we do, they may not always be the most influential factors when it comes to being with a person or agreeing with someone.

Seeking Expert Guidance
If you’re stuck in a personal relationship, business relationship, lawsuit, divorce, or any other situation where the other side doesn’t grasp your perspective, consider involving a neutral third party. This person should not be your attorney, friend, or family member but someone completely neutral. A third party can help detangle and downscale the emotions because, in most cases, good people really want to work together and find a solution. A certified, trained, and experienced mediator can resolve issues and demonstrate how to avoid similar problems in the future.

Understanding the Small but Significant Issues
Think about it—it’s cliché, but consider the minor things used as punchlines in sitcoms, like not putting the cap back on the toothpaste, leaving the toilet seat up, or leaving the napkin on the table. These might seem like small, stupid stuff, but they matter to someone because of what they represent. They signify respect, order, recognition, and being seen. It’s not the task itself that’s the issue; it’s what it means behind the scenes. A third party can help point out these underlying meanings, resolve the issue, and ensure mutual respect moving forward.

Maintaining Good Relationships
By addressing these issues, a mediator helps ensure the other person respects these concerns in the future. This allows both parties to avoid becoming hung up on them, preserving a good relationship with a good person.